"Fame is the scentless sunflower with gaudy crown of gold,
But friendship is the breathing of rose, with sweets in every fold"
Ok izzah, lets put away all the FP stuff from your mind for at least 20 mins.
Today, Abang have left us for 1 year 4 days. I didnt feel it at all. 1 year is loooooooong but i feel nothing. In this 1 year so many things happen. Me passing my year 2 supervision. New friends syndrome. Me going to Thailand. Me going to final year. Ayah get warded at hospital for the first time. Parents go to mekkah. Me and abang having a bad time wif grandparents for a month. Abang qil going to bangkok. Hari Raya. New year. Everyone's birthday. Mothers day. Fathers day. Ayah bought a new car. Abang passing the driving test. Abang crash other people's car in Malaysia. Me taking up driving and all the bad and good instructors that i got.
All that special days and dugaan, ups and downs without abang. But i donno. I feel nothing. I still feel that he's here. Even tho i know that i have been saying that all over and over again for this whole 1 year 4 days to the people around me.
These few days have been very very emotional. Besides the demanding FP, my family have not been that good. My mum as usual, cant control her emotions. Of course the rest of us are sad too, but we never show like how she do. Of course i understand la, she being the mum, of course she feel it more den any of us. She's e one who give birth to abang.
But honestly i think me and abang qil is more closer to him. LIKE VERY VERY CLOSE. We like share almost everything, every secrets, every sins. But my mum is never that close to him. She always think about religion, n to make us be a better, better, better person. She is never happy with us. N bcos of that she don really know inside of us that well. Alright, she also realise that now, she regret it, she told me. She regret not opening up and showing her love to him.
But now? She's repeating her same old mistakes again. She is doing the same thing to abang qil. These few days, just because she is very emotional, she have been comparing and comparing and comparing AND COMPARING him with abang mi. Alright, she is upset, but she also have to consider and think about abang qil's feelings what. If abang mi's here, he'll be saving us, fighting for us. He'll be talking back to her. Saying that enuf is enuf. Im veri sure. All of us is special in our own ways.
Haiz.
I dont know what will happen. I have been crying alot about my mum. When will she change. When.
Ok enuf of letting out my feelings. Time to get back to attachment stuff. haiz. wat a life.
super kawaii :D
